Liberty City's lunatic society met me at the airport. At least, that's how it seemed.~n~~n~Anyway, whoever they were, they stole my father's stupid sword - and left me for dead.~n~~n~Uncle Kenny's in deep shit because of this. I'd better get the damn thing back, or I'll never hear the end of it.~n~
Had some fun with Ling: fooling around with guns, showing off my moves.~n~~n~Some local punks tried muscling in on Uncle Kenny's turf, so we went to teach them a lesson.~n~~n~Things got serious ... I'll miss Ling.~n~
Land of the free, my ass. This place is gonna be land of the freebasing just as soon as I find more dealer contacts.~n~~n~This town is so full of crackheads, deadbeats, and junkies that I'm gonna be flying home on my own jet - maybe even my own airline.~n~~n~Still, this city's security cameras are a bitch - maybe I should do something about them. Like I said, land of the free, my ass.~n~
Uncle Kenny had trouble from some store owners who pay him protection.~n~~n~I had to make an example of one of their stores.~n~~n~Harsh? Maybe, but the store's bound to have regular insurance, so now the owner can clean up too.~n~~n~Who'd have thought it? I'm actually a public benefactor, when all along I've thought I was just a hired thug.~n~
Thought a rich buyer was trying to get Yu Jian out of the city, but he was clean.~n~~n~Still ... discovered that ripping off vans can be a lucrative side job.~n~
Recruited a few new goons for Uncle Kenny.~n~~n~I even tattooed one of them, well, more like scarred him for life. Maybe I should go back and practice.~n~~n~It's not that I think tattooing is going to be a skill that'll come in handy, it's just a lot of fun scarring simpletons.~n~
We took the fight to those moron Spanish Lords, and raided their main storehouse.~n~~n~I'd hoped we'd find Yu Jian, but there was no sign of it.~n~~n~I should keep raiding that warehouse - not that I hold out any hopes that my father's sword will turn up - it's just for shits, giggles and the money.~n~
The Spanish Lords have been putting Uncle Kenny under pressure.~n~~n~He's sure they stole Yu Jian.~n~~n~They tried hitting some stores under his protection, but I barricaded the street and kicked the snot out of them.~n~
The Spanish Lords hit us again. I guess some idiots never learn. Speaking of which...~n~~n~Uncle Kenny's convinced they're behind all the shit that's coming down on him.~n~~n~And maybe they are, but then again maybe they're just pissed off that we keep hitting them.~n~
Uncle Kenny sent me on a stupid school-boy errand, but, then again, I did meet up with this girl - Ling Shan.~n~~n~She's nice - apart from the crappy attitude. How come every girl I know is permanently premenstrual? Maybe it's me? ...Nah. I'm way too cool.~n~~n~Anyway, got chased by the cops, but managed to shake them off. Tried my chances with Ling, but 'no go'. Like I said, premenstrual. I just need to give it time.~n~
Ling's death kind of hit me harder then my dad's - understandable - I didn't want to fuck my dad.~n~~n~Anyway, Uncle Kenny got my head together and I got payback on the gang that hit his turf ... and Ling.~n~~n~I hope she sleeps easy now. Which is more than I can say for me - I've gotta get laid.~n~
I collected a bunch of cars for the big boss's son, Chan Jaoming.~n~~n~Hopefully, the boss will take it easier on Uncle Kenny now, and maybe Kenny will get off my back too.~n~~n~He might be under a lot of stress, but he gives it out easy enough too.~n~
The big boss, Hsin, wanted us to start working with the mob.~n~~n~Uncle Kenny sent me to bring in some of their contraband coming in by the boat.~n~~n~I got in shit with the coast guard, thanks to a piece of crap boat Uncle Kenny provided.~n~
Hsin ordered a hit on me and Uncle Kenny.~n~~n~His men chased us across the city, but we dodged them and managed to show Hsin the FIB report.~n~~n~Uncle Kenny cleared our names and became the new Big Boss! My inheritance just went through the roof.~n~
Heston's full of shit. Seriously. He's convinced the Midtown Gangsters stole Yu Jian, and he wants to get their attention.~n~~n~He planted drugs in one of their cars, and got me to make sure the cops found it.~n~The sooner this loser forgets about me the better.~n~
IAD are breathing down Heston's neck, but not hard enough for my liking.~n~~n~He needs a big collar, fast - or he's screwed. And if I don't help him he'll make sure I'm screwed.~n~~n~So, while he planted a bug in a Korean hideout, I lured them out of the area.~n~
Heston wants to lure out the Korean gang bangers that stole Yu Jian.~n~~n~I followed the Korean we set up, and took down the Underboss he led me to.~n~
I saved Heston's ass. He'd been cornered by the assassins that stole Yu Jian.~n~~n~Unfortunately, I killed the assholes before they could tell us who their boss was. Heston got pissed off about that, so I made out I was 'avenging my father'.~n~~n~It didn't wash. He was right - we've lost any chance of finding Yu Jian and their boss now. I can be such a fuck-up at times.~n~
More dirty work for Heston's FIB contact.~n~~n~His illegal wiretap signal was jammed, so I had to un-jam it.~n~
Heston's FIB contact will give us their informant's name if we do some of his dirty work.~n~~n~So, I chased down some contraband being brought in by Zhou's men.~n~~n~If Zhou ever finds out I sank his boat I'm gonna be in deep shit.~n~
IAD stole Heston's car.~n~~n~They knew it was full of evidence that'd ruin him and his squad.~n~~n~I got the car back and destroyed the evidence. Man, I should open a fucking valet service for morons.~n~
Heston's dealer was going to sell him out to IAD.~n~~n~I chased him down and removed him, and the evidence he had against Heston.~n~
I chased around the city, hacking into the FIB mainframe to get the file on their rat.~n~~n~Discovered there were in fact two rats: Chan and Zhou!~n~~n~Those bastards were both selling the Triads out for their own gain. Gotta admire their balls, really.~n~
Kenny was behind everything: all so he could take over the Triads in Liberty City.~n~~n~Though, it was Hsin's prompting that pushed him into it.~n~~n~It's over now ... I think I won ... it just feels like I lost - and I still didn't get laid. This city sucks.~n~
n/a
Met Chan Jaoming, the big boss's son.~n~~n~I think he might have been short changed at the brains checkout.~n~~n~I sabotaged some street-race champ's car, so that it'll crash the next time he races it.~n~
Chan's idea of fair play is, 'anything goes, so long as he wins'.~n~~n~So, he got me to smash all the other drivers off the track at his street race.~n~~n~He wasn't even grateful. Rich prick asshole.~n~
Chan was kidnapped by friends of the race champ whose car he had me sabotage.~n~~n~They tried to torch his car while he was locked in the trunk.~n~~n~But, I managed to save him ... and then he blamed me for everything! Seriously, what an asshole.~n~
I played bodyguard for Chan on a deal he'd set up.~n~~n~We drove into an ambush and only just managed to scrape out of it.~n~~n~Then I ran into a bent cop called Wade Heston, he wants me to work with him. Just what I didn't need.~n~
Chan had me collect a TV broadcast van for a reporter friend of his, Melanie Mallard.~n~~n~He's convinced that the tongs will be impressed that he's the 'big boss' in a crummy fly-on-the-wall documentary about dealers she's making.~n~~n~This is so gonna end in tears.~n~
Surprise. Surprise. Mel double crossed Chan, hoping to air the tapes she'd made about his gang, and reveal everyone's identity on TV.~n~~n~I was against it from the outset, but who listens to me? I just get to fix Chan's problems.~n~~n~Maybe I should be the boss? ...I guess he did the right thing in the end.~n~
Chan wanted to celebrate acquiring new territory, by racing me in his new boat.~n~~n~But the Spanish Lords had sabotaged it, wanting to ambush Chan while he was adrift.~n~~n~I managed to fend them off long enough for Chan to escape.~n~
The FIB were set to raid Chan's businesses.~n~~n~I had to race around, getting rid of anything that could have been incriminating.~n~~n~NB: Chan's convinced that Zhou is ratting out the Triads.~n~
Chan didn't trust his freeloading entourage anymore.~n~~n~He got them to meet up and wait for him on Happiness Island.~n~~n~That's one barbecue they'll have wished they'd never been to.~n~
Raided Chan's hideout: That prick had to pay for trying to screw over the Triads.~n~~n~He tried to worm his way out of it, saying he'd been set up. Yeah, right!~n~~n~Blog about dying in agony, you fucking moron.~n~
n/a
I finally got to meet the big boss, Hsin Jaoming.~n~~n~He was pretty pissed that his son was ambushed, and wanted revenge.~n~~n~So, I drove a burning fuel tanker into some asshole's gambling den for him.~n~
Feds are crawling all over Triad operations. We've got a rat!~n~~n~Chan got arrested, but Hsin was more concerned about his dirty money getting out of the country.~n~~n~He got me to get it out of the city before the Feds discovered it.~n~
Hsin had me remove the heads of the Midtown Gangsters... literally!~n~~n~And for my reward I nearly lost my own head.~n~~n~It was only Uncle Kenny's intervention that saved me ...for now.~n~...I've GOT to find the FIB rat and Yu Jian if I'm going to get out of this alive.~n~
Chan made bail.~n~~n~Apparently, one of his own entourage sold him to the FIB, and is their chief witness against him.~n~~n~Hsin got me to impress upon the informer how much we disapproved of his treachery.~n~
D'Avanzo was screwing with me. Capra wasn't the FIB rat!~n~~n~Those two guys have been fighting each other for years. D'Avanzo was just using me to get to him.~n~~n~Now Hsin's really pissed at me! ...I made D'Avanzo pay for that.~n~
Zhou's intent on becoming Hsin's replacement.~n~~n~He doesn't want his rival, Chan, having access to someone talented like me.~n~~n~Even so, I had to prove myself to the dick by stealing crates off a moving truck. Child's play.~n~
Hsin wanted to discipline some dealers who'd disrespected him, by blowing up their stash cars.~n~~n~But Zhou saw profit in dealing with them another way.~n~~n~So, I defused Hsin's bombs and Zhou stole the cars. Then the prick practically cut me out of the deal!~n~
Zhou got into deep shit with Hsin over stopping those dealers' stash cars being blown up.~n~~n~Hsin wanted blood, so we headed over to the dealers' turf and hit their gang hard.~n~~n~...Zhou's getting impatient with Hsin. He's not going to wait around to be handed the leadership.~n~
Zhou's fucking crazy! He had me pick up an ex-colleague of his just so he could cut his heart out.~n~~n~The guy's got issues!~n~
Zhou robbed the Bank of Liberty and escaped using an 'ingenious' disguise.~n~~n~I stole a dragon costume and we used that to mingle with the crowd during the Chinatown celebrations.~n~~n~It worked! I'm not sure who's more stupid - Zhou or the crowd.~n~
Zhou seemed to be the only Triad who hadn't been hit by the FIB.~n~~n~However, the press were showing plenty of interest in him, and were following him around.~n~~n~I made sure they didn't get any photos that could have damaged his good public-image.~n~
I can't believe it!~n~~n~Zhou had me dredge up from the riverbed the same contraband I sent down there when I blew up his boat for Heston.~n~~n~If he only knew the truth!~n~
My attacks on the Koreans caused them to lose a protection racket in Castle Gardens.~n~~n~The Irish Killers moved in, but Zhou had me burn them out.~n~~n~I love the smell of baked potato-heads in the morning.~n~
I went after that 'master criminal' Zhou: His treason had to be punished - and I wanted to kick his ass.~n~~n~He thought he could lie his way out of getting what was coming to him.~n~~n~Guess not. It was a long way to the ground, and he screamed all the way.~n~
Hsin thinks the FIB rat might be in the Angels of Death.~n~~n~He had me contact a private investigator, called Lester, he's using to infiltrate the gang.~n~~n~Lester's a fat waste of space. He needed me to pass the Angels' initiation test for him.~n~
Lester was wasted after partying with the Angels.~n~~n~I had to sell the coke they gave him in order to pass their final initiation test.~n~~n~I swear to God: How the fuck did this city get by before I turned up?~n~
Lester got down to business with the gang boss's girl, while I kept away any Angels who'd become suspicious of him.~n~~n~Eventually, he got the info we needed from her - there's no FIB rat in their gang.~n~~n~...But what I really wanna know is, how come a fat, useless moron can get laid, while I was getting nothing?
Lester was accepted into the gang. Those dead beats must've been brain dead.~n~~n~We solved a serious problem the gang had, raising Lester's credibility enough to get close to the gang's boss's girl.~n~~n~He'd be able to find out from her if the gang had an FIB rat in their ranks.~n~
After a change of leadership, the Midtown Gangsters moved their main base of operations.~n~~n~Hsin needed to know whether they remained loyal to him, so he had me follow one of their Korean gangbangers to find this 'secret' hideout.~n~
Hsin wanted absolute assurance that the Midtown Gangsters were loyal.~n~~n~He sent me and some of his goons over to their base of operations to look at their files and ledgers.~n~~n~Things got confrontational - and Hsin's goons' explosives didn't help - but at least we got what we went for.~n~
The Koreans' ledgers and files detailed a shipment of heavy arms they were about to receive.~n~~n~Hsin wanted to make sure they never got them.~n~
Hsin knew the Koreans' weren't a threat to him anymore.~n~~n~But, for daring to consider independence from the Triads, he wanted me to teach them a lesson.~n~~n~Keeping Hsin happy should keep him off my back about Yu Jian... hopefully, he'll get alzheimer's and forget all about the stupid fucking thing.~n~
A mobster called Rudy D'Avanzo contacted me out of the blue.~n~~n~He said the FIB rat is another mobster called Jimmy Capra, a guy who's become real friendly with Hsin recently.~n~~n~He might be right - Capra's men found us and tried to kill us.~n~
I needed evidence on Capra before approaching Hsin about him.~n~~n~Fortunately, D'Avanzo had managed to hide a digital recorder in Capra's car, probably full of all the evidence I'd need.~n~~n~I just had to collect the car to get the recorder back.~n~
D'Avanzo had a 'peace-talks' meeting with Capra. He took me along to make sure Capra found the peace Rudy had in mind for him.~n~~n~Unfortunately, Capra planned something similar for Rudy.~n~~n~You just can't trust anyone these days. It's a disgrace.~n~
Hsin got pissed at me for working with D'Avanzo. Capra must be pressuring him.~n~~n~I really needed the recorded evidence I took from Capra's car.~n~~n~D'Avanzo's going to get it to me, but first wanted me to whack some guys named on it.~n~
Met Xin, a kid who might just be a bigger snot than me.~n~~n~He had some job planned that, he says, will make me a lot of cash, but I didn't see any - just lots of cops - chasing me all over the city.~n~~n~I can't blame them, I was mashing the place up in a tank at the time.~n~
Xin pulled off his big shot job, but he got himself shot in the process.~n~~n~I had all kinds of fun trying to lose the law and get him out of there - underwear day at the launderette is gonna be even more fun now.~n~~n~The kid was delirious, turned out he was Ling's brother, and he figured on killing me to avenge her.~n~~n~Stupid kid lost too much blood... there was nothing I could do but watch him die.~n~
Mel needed to film a shipment of drugs entering the country, so I took her to the docks.~n~~n~Things were going fine until we were ambushed, which only made that crazy bitch hot to film the whole thing.~n~~n~I don't go looking for the crazies, but they always seem to find me.~n~
Mel needed to film a drug factory, so Chan had me show her around a rival's operation.~n~~n~Oddly, they weren't keen on us being there, so I had to persuade them to be nice while Mel got her photo-journalistic gold.~n~
Chan had a lethal new drug that he wanted 'marketing', so I got to take Mel on a tour of crackwhore central, via bum underpass.~n~~n~The junkies went crazy for it, and the crazies went junky for it.~n~~n~For all Mel's complaining about the 'inhumanity' she didn't stop shooting film. Maybe I'm no judge, but there's something wrong with this picture.~n~
This is the replay screen. From here you can replay passed missions and attempt to beat your best times.
Touch and slide between the mission piles to cycle through them. Touch the highlighted mission to replay.
